Stanford Brookes is the owner of a London cafe frequented by Thursday Next when she lived in London. He was a veteran of the Crimean War, though he was involved in a campaign before the one in which Thursday served. He believes England should hang on to the territory it's conquered on the peninsula. He feels that to give it back to Russia would make all the war deaths in vain. Stanford has a gravelly voice, and two prosthetic legs. He still carries enough shrapnel in his body to "make half a dozen baked bean tins." (The Eyre Affair)