The space race began on 4th October 1957 when a few Vodka-swilling Communist pigs finally managed to stop starving each other long enough to launch a satellite into space. The idea that launching such a pathetic piece of crap into orbit was an achievement is beyond laughable. Nevertheless, it was seen as an assault on both the President's manhood and the manhoods of each and every United States citizen; male or female, white or black, rich or poor, the free world had been bitch-slapped. The brave US president responded swiftly and brilliantly - by slaughtering millions of Vietnamese. However, even this was not enough to restore public opinion regarding the size of his (doubtless enormous) Johnson. Drastic action needed to be taken, and so it was deemed that America would put a man on the m