Kyle Orton was never born; instead, he burst forth full grown from the forehead of the Great Whiskey God, Jack Daniels. Orton however, was too impure, and was forced to leave the divine realm of Whiskey for the land of rape and honey, better known as Iowa. He spent his first mortal years living with an unsuspecting farm family, who raised Orton as their own until he was old enough to raise his fists in the act of drinking. Orton attended high school, where he met his long-time friend and blood brother, Ricky Williams. The two met in detention – Orton was being punished for threatening to castrate his principal, while Williams was facing a death sentence for using chemicals in his chemistry class to make Crystal Meth. During this period, Williams introduced Orton to marijuana, which Orton r