What a bitch! Who assigns a goddamn essay on "a theory of your choice" over the weekend of the Super Bowl?! I'll tell you who: Ms. Smith, that's who! It's half-time and The Who are playing, which is totally not Soulja Boy, the only group deserving of the half-time show (Soulja Boy Tell 'Em!). I guess that means I have 20 minutes to write this damn thing.