You attended one semester of community college but had to quit because you gave the dean's daughter a bad case of anal warts. Or maybe you flunked out of 5th grade because your uncle kept molesting you and you couldn't keep your shit together long enough to learn long division. But you still hold on to the fantasy of one day being called Doctor. Never fear. With the help of this article you can now learn the secrets of the healing arts known to physicians the world over, or at least in the western hemisphere (face it, do you really want to go to see Jackie Chan M.D. for that brain tumor? You'll be given a prescription for yak soup with a rhino's cock floating in it).