Salvatore Frank Fasano, Esquire, also known as the Italian Stallion, the Great Dago, the Walloping Wop, and "Holy shit, what's that growing on his face?!" was born in 1971 to mother Bob Ross (from whom he reportedly emerged mustache-first) and father Wilford Brimley and third conceiving party Sasquatch and is a catcher for several Major League Baseball clubs. He currently plays for the Indiana Hookers, earning the MLB minimum of $326,000 for him and $20 million for his mustache.