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| - Salvatore Frank Fasano, Esquire, also known as the Italian Stallion, the Great Dago, the Walloping Wop, and "Holy shit, what's that growing on his face?!" was born in 1971 to mother Bob Ross (from whom he reportedly emerged mustache-first) and father Wilford Brimley and third conceiving party Sasquatch and is a catcher for several Major League Baseball clubs. He currently plays for the Indiana Hookers, earning the MLB minimum of $326,000 for him and $20 million for his mustache.
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| - Salvatore Frank Fasano, Esquire, also known as the Italian Stallion, the Great Dago, the Walloping Wop, and "Holy shit, what's that growing on his face?!" was born in 1971 to mother Bob Ross (from whom he reportedly emerged mustache-first) and father Wilford Brimley and third conceiving party Sasquatch and is a catcher for several Major League Baseball clubs. He currently plays for the Indiana Hookers, earning the MLB minimum of $326,000 for him and $20 million for his mustache. Fasano is widely regarded to be the greatest baseball player in history. In 2006, while playing for the Philadelphia Paedophiles, New York Yankees, New York Giants, New York Knights, Baltimore Orioles, Oakland Athletics, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Colorado Rockies, Orix Blue Wave, Yakult Swallows, Kansas City Royals, Omaha Royals, Iowa Cubs, Iowa Hawkeyes, Iowa State Cyclones, Texas A&M Aggies, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Mighty Ducks, Chicago Bulls, the Puka Puka tribe in "Survivor: Cook Islands," and Dave's Auto Body Slow-Pitch Softball Team, Sal Fasano had 97 home runs, 234 RBI, 55 stolen bases, and seven panty shots, and also became the first player ever to score a touchdown and have a triple-double at the same time in a single baseball game. As a catcher, he threw out 86 of 72 potential baserunners in 2006, once throwing out a baserunner while huffing a kitten. He was invited to his 22nd All-Star appearance, but declined because his mustache had other obligations. Fasano struck out in his only major-league at-bat in 2002. Upon being called out on strikes, an enraged Fasano cracked open the home plate umpire's chest cavity with his bat and ripped his still-beating heart out. He then gave the heart to an eight-year-old girl who needed a heart transplant. The girl, appreciative of Sal's gift, had it bronzed and kept it on her mantle until she died a week later.
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