Topiary is a noble and ancient martial art. Once a staple of Medieval English chivalry, a Topiary would be performed as a Gentlemen's insult, that would usually lead to a duel, a joust, or a bit of Bum holio behind ye olde Medieval chip shoppe. Although the art of topiary was banned in 1267 after the Second Baron's War, Topiary made a resurgence in the early 21st century, and is currently practised by Leprechauns, Nuns, Eamon Holmes, and various other paedophiles.