Hertz Van Rental, international Dutch footballer, inventor of the offside rule, and accomplished after dinner speaker, was born in Holland in 1803. His father, an unemployed sheep-fucker, and his mother (who had only become pregnant to win a bet anyway) soon became tired of his incessant demands for butterscotch Angel Delight and promptly buggered off to Weston-Super-Mare in search of a better life for themselves and their extensive collection of whistling mollusks. They left poor old Hertz to fend for himself.