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| - {|class="topbox topbox-episode" |style="padding:3px"|File:Steven gallery.png |This is a transcribed copy of "". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |} Ronaldo (narrating): Beach City, a sleepy seaside town. From far away, it looks ordinary, but take a closer look, and you'll start to notice the cracks in the facade. My name is... (His chair turns the other way.) Uh... *clears throat, blushes* My name is Ronaldo. For years, I've run a blog called "Keep Beach City Weird". My mission: keep Beach City weird, and also to expose the truth. Most people choose to ignore my mind-blowing revelations, but no one can deny it when the truth was pointing right in the town's collective face! [Footage from "Jail Break" where the Gem Warship is about to land plays] Ronaldo (from footage): *gasps* It's an invasion! Look at that thing, it's right there! *narrating* Beach City needed to be saved, but from what? *shows a picture of the Crystal Gems* Duh duh duh! [The "Rising Tides/Crashing Skies" documentary title card is played] Nanefua: Ehh, I was just cleaning up some fish for a very big order when it happened. I heard this veeery peculiar rumbling, like "boom boom boom boom boom boom!" and then a sonic "BOOM!" and the fish I was preparing flew up into the air and fell on the ground! (A re-enactment that features a lax animated fish tumbling around plays.) I ran outside and saw this great big thing in the sky. Ronaldo: The town was under attack! Nanefua: What is this for again? Ronaldo: It's a web exclusive for my blo— [Camera cuts to Peedee] Peedee: Oh! Uh, yes! That day was crazy. The Mayor said— Ronaldo: Were you scared? Peedee: What?! No! I wasn't. I was just concerned that something bad would happen to the shop... Ronaldo: So, you cried a lot. Peedee: I don't know what you're talking about. [Footage shot during "The Return" is played.) Mr. Fryman (from footage): Let it go! (Mr. Fryman tries to pull Peedee away from the Beach Citywalk Fries counter table.) Peedee (from footage): Dad... dad... no! Please, no! (Peedee cries and holds the Beach Citywalk Fries counter table. The footage ends.) Peedee: I was under a lot of stress at that time, argh! Ronaldo: Aww... hey. Peedee: What? Ronaldo: I'm here for you, bro. *hugs Peedee* Peedee: I'm fine, let me go! Ronaldo: You can't make up drama this good! [Footage from "The Return" plays] Ronaldo (narrating): With the space hand closing in for a high-five of the third kind, we fled the town. But then, just as mysteriously as the space hand appeared, it exploded into an explosion. Mr. Fryman (from footage): What in blue blazes was that? Peedee (from footage): I think it was an explosion! Ronaldo (from footage): Unbelievable, I missed it! Ronaldo: There's no actual footage of the giant hand thing crashing into the beach, but here's a little re-enactment for you. [Re-enactment plays] Ronaldo (from re-enactment): Whoooaahwooo-phhhh-woah! (He slams fist against a board, making a sand explosion, then a one-eyed crab grabs Ronaldo's finger.) Ouch! Ouch, ouch, ouch! Ahhhh... My hand! Ah! Ronaldo (narrating): Beach City was saved, but by whom? [Trans. Int. the Big Donut] (Sadie is preparing a donut for Mr. Smiley.) Ronaldo: Miss? Sadie: Huh? Ronaldo: Who do you think saved Beach City from the giant handcraft? Sadie: Oh! Hey Ronaldo... Wait, a-are you filming? *blushes* Ronaldo: Just answer the question! Sadie: Oh, okay... Um, yeah sure... Who saved us? Um... well... wasn't it Steven's... family? I-I think they pretty much keep to themselves... Steven says that they protect the planet and the human race and that they have magic powers... It sounds hard to believe, but I've seen some pretty wild stuff... [Trans. Int. Fish Stew Pizza] [Camera cuts to Kiki] Kiki: Once, they made us hamburgers, and we were having a pretty good time, but then we were attacked by a huge creature! (Jenny walks into the camera shot.) Jenny: Hey... you makin' a movie? Kiki: Oh, let him be... Ronaldo: It's a docu-web-a-mentry about the Crystal Gems. Jenny: Oh, they are c-ray-zy! One of them tried to knock me in the face! I ain't mad though... [Trans. Int. Mayor's Office] (Camera cuts to Mayor Dewey.) Ronaldo: Mayor Dewey, who do you think saved Beach City from the handcraft? Mayor Dewey: Why, young man, I credit the voters with saving Beach City! My constituents know they've elected a mayor they can trust to— Ronaldo: Huh? No, I'm talking about the Crystal Gems. Mayor Dewey: Heh, w-why? Ronaldo: Well I'm covering the story— Mayor Dewey: Cover-up? WHAT COVER UP?! Ronaldo: But— Mayor Dewey: SECURITY! (Mayor Dewey's bodyguards enter.) Ronaldo: H-hey! You can't suppress the truth! [Video fizzles out, then goes to a shot of Ronaldo sitting] Ronaldo: Obviously, the Crystal Gems were involved, even at the highest levels of local government. I decided to go to the source. [Trans. Ext. Gem Temple] (Ronaldo is in front of the temple speaking inaudibly.) Peedee: *shouting* Speak up! Ronaldo: *yelling* RIGHT NOW, I'M STANDING DIRECTLY BELOW THE FORTRESS OF THE CRYSTAL GEMS! [Trans. Ext. Beach House] Ronaldo: I'm now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, and— (Steven opens the door.) Steven: Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee! Is that a camera? Peedee: Yeah! We're making a movie about— Ronaldo: It's an investigative report, shot camera vérité. Steven: Cool! Ronaldo: So, want to participate in a groundbreaking interview? Steven: Hmm, only if you... participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! [Trans. Int. Steven's living room] Steven: Oh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us! Ronaldo: Us? I knew it! Steven, we know too much! Steven: No, not us us. (He gestures to both himself and Ronaldo.) I meant me and the Crystal Gems. Ronaldo: Wait, so the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo, or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm, or thaw out the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent?! Steven: Um... no, I'm pretty sure it just came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems. Ronaldo: Oh. So... if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here... we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand? Steven: Oh-ho-ho, definitely not! [Close-up to negative of Steven's face] Ronaldo: And there it was. [Cut to pictures from "Keep Beach City Weird"] Ronaldo: The Crystal Gems weren't saving us, they were putting us in danger! (He shows red X drawn over picture of Steven and the Crystal Gems.) Ronaldo: I felt I had no choice but to lay bare this ugly truth to the unwitting citizens of Beach City! [Cut to shot of Nanefua and Kofi putting trash in the dumpster] Ronaldo: Ma'am! Nanefua: *sound of surprise* Ronaldo: Are you aware that the Crystal Gems not only saved the town, but also caused the invasion in the first place? Nanefua: Oh, well... no more fish are getting knocked out of my hands, so I'm not complaining. [Cut to Onion on the boardwalk] Ronaldo: Sir, sir! How do you feel about the Crystal Gems attracting an onslaught of dangerous space beings? Do you feel safe? (Onion inhales to speak, only to knock the mic out of Ronaldo's hands and run away.) Ronaldo: Hey, you can't keep quiet forever! [Cut to Mr. Fryman inside "Fryman Brothers Incorporated"] Ronaldo: How can you possibly go on, knowing that we are under siege by forces meant to destroy the Crystal Gems? Mr. Fryman: How close are you to being done with this project? Ronaldo: Just answer the question, Dad! Mr. Fryman: Ugh. I-I guess its pretty bad, but what's a regular old guy like me supposed to do about it? I've got work to do... and so do you, put down that camera. [Cut to Ronaldo setting up camera in the kitchen] Ronaldo (narrating): Everyone was too afraid to realize that they were actually afraid. (Peedee starts mopping the floor behind Ronaldo and puts up a "wet floor" sign.) Beach City needed a hero, and that hero would have to be me. (Ronaldo slips on wet floor.) WHOA, WHOA— [Cut to night vision shot of the Temple Beach] Ronaldo: Okay, everything's ready for our full on night time stealth coverage. Peedee: Is it really okay for us to be lurking around like this? Ronaldo: We're not lurking, we're investigating! This is a moment of true bravery, are you brave like me? I'm so brave to be doing this. COME ON! (Steven and Amethyst are shown falling close to Ronaldo and Peedee's pan focus.) Ronaldo: STAY BACK, LITTLE BRO! Amethyst: Race you back to the danger zone. Steven: Wait up! Ronaldo: Steven! Steven: Uh, hey, Ronaldo! Uh, hey, Peedee! You guys should be careful— Ronaldo: CUT THE PLEASANTRIES! [Short shot of Peedee's feet being recorded while running] Ronaldo: You're all a danger to our city! Steven: What are you talking about? Garnet: PEARL! NOW! [Camera pans to Crystal Gems fighting a giant one eyed crab gem creature] Peedee: OOOOOOOOOOOOh my gosh. What the heck is that? Garnet: Pearl, NOW! (Pearl blasts the crab monster.) Garnet: Aim for the eye! Pearl: Aye-aye, Garnet! Where's Amethyst? Amethyst: Right here! *slashes off crab monster's claw with her hair* Garnet: Let's finish the job! [Camera pans to Ronaldo yelling at Steven] Ronaldo: This is exactly the thing I'm talking about, Steven! Steven: But the Crystal Gems are here to help people! Ronaldo: But all the monsters just come here to get you guys, and then wreck things and put us in danger! Beach City would be way safer if you guys weren't here! Pearl: Listen, Frybo, magic beings are indeed drawn to us, but we were here long before Beach City even existed. Ronaldo: Who cares how long you've been here? Innocent people are in danger as long as you're hanging around! Garnet: You're right, I guess we'll just leave then. Pearl: Excuse me? Amethyst: Really? Steven: But, Garnet! Garnet: Put your buts away, Steven, *puts Steven on top of her hair* we're not wanted here, so let's just leave. Pearl: But Garnet, we'll have to move all the bubbles, a-and what about Steven's things? Amethyst: Maaaaaaan, ugh, I kinda liked it here! Ronaldo: Uh... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Uh, you can turn the camera o— [Cut to BC Fries where Ronaldo sits triumphantly while Peedee peels a potato] Ronaldo: Ah, that's right, I did it! Thanks to me, the Gems are gone forever! Peedee: Hm, that's too bad, now you won't have anything to blog about anymore. Ronaldo: Come on, dude, I'm trying to finish the movie! Peedee: Well this relates to your movie, you said it yourself, the Gems cause all the weird stuff in Beach City, so now that they're gone, there'll be no more weird stuff. Ronaldo: No, NOOOOOOOOO! What have I done?! (narrating) What had I done? I done bad. [Cuts to set] I made a terrible mistake. [Cuts to Ronaldo running toward Temple] Ronaldo: THIS IS A MATTER OF WEIRD AND DEATH! (Peedee is heard running behind him while filming.) Peedee: I'm going *pants* as fast as I can! Ronaldo: *starts banging on the door* CRYSTAL GEMS! You have to stay! Every messed up consequence of your presence gives me reason to wake up in the morning! Without you, my blog doesn't stand a chance! Ah, I'm too late, what have I done? I've made Beach City NORMAL! *cries* I've broken my promise to the city, and to myself! (Garnet appears at the door.) Ronaldo: Ooooooooooh, you're still here! Please don't leave! I was wrong, stay and keep this town weird! (narrating) I had no idea how this Crystal Gem would respond to my plea. The answer will shock you. Garnet: Okay. Ronaldo: *sobbing* Thank you, thank you, thank you! *sobbing turns to maniacal laughs* [Trans. Ronaldo standing on Brooding Hill] Ronaldo (narrating): I had skillfully negotiated for the Gems to stay, perhaps I have a future in... intergalactic diplomacy? *laughs* In the end, I suppose the Gems really do save Beach City— from being not weird! *externally* Okay, Peedee, I think that about wraps it up! Good job with the camera, bro! Peedee: Oh, thanks! [Cut to credits of Ronaldo's video] (The Crystal Gems are seen watching the video.) Garnet: That was very poorly edited. Steven: Were we really gonna leave Beach City? Garnet: No, I just wanted him to get that camera out of my face. Pearl: I wonder how many people have seen this thing? Amethyst: Oh, *laughs* I think we're the only ones, see? *points to TubeTube screen showing only one view* Steven: Hm, click! *clicks 'Like' on video* [Star wipes in, ending episode] [END] {|class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" align=center style="color: ; background-color:#000080; width:100%; border:2px solid #000000; text-align:left; font-size:90%;" ! align=center style="background:teal; font-size:80%;" colspan=2 | v • e Transcripts |- |}
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