| abstract
| - Announcer: And now for adventures in science, with Professor Membrane! Announcer: Professor...? Prof. Membrane: Thanks again to Doctor Faulky and his miserably failed attempt at a better cold fusion! Now, let's take a question from the audience. Child: My mommy makes me eat Breakfast Chunks for breakfast. But I hate them! I HATE THEM SO MUCH!!! Could I go back in time and stop them from ever being invented? Prof. Membrane: I'm glad you asked that! Altering the past to effect the present is theoretically possible. A floating monitor screen like the one Prof. Membrane used in Parent Teacher Night hovers up beside him, displaying a child at breakfast with a bowl containing one large breakfast chunk. He bangs on the chunk with his spoon, but nothing happens. He gnaws on the chunk, but to no avail. Prof. Membrane: You could prevent Walton Chunky (the monitor screen shows an image of Walton Chunky holding a box of Breakfast Chunks) from ever inventing Breakfast Chunks by using temporal object replacement technology! Prof. Membrane: See, there's Walton Chunky in the past- Prof. Membrane: -and, uh, I guess he worked in a garbage dump or something. And, there's a big sack of bran, I guess. Prof. Membrane: But here's where he gets the idea for Breakfast Chunks. Prof. Membrane: Oh, look, he's happy. Using a space/time transfer device, (the monitor goes into static) we replace an object from the past with an object from the present and stop this moment from ever happening. Prof. Membrane: See? They're the scientists! And they're sending a horrible giant squid into the past! Prof. Membrane: But be careful: if the Breakfast Cube was never invented, tasty breakfast squids would sweep the nation! Prof. Membrane: Further unpredictable effects would arise as a result of mankind's foolish altering of the timeline! Prof. Membrane: ... Like this giant fish in a bear suit! He would be horrible! Look at him go! Prof. Membrane: The consequences would be disastrous! Prof. Membrane: So, despite the temptation, altering the time line is more foolish than productive! Prof. Membrane: Anybody who would build a space/time object replacement device is a complete moron! The word "moron" is echoed as we see that Zim has built a space/time object replacement device in his lab, despite Prof. Membrane's better judgment... and which makes Zim the perfect moron, as he is about to find out soon. Zim pops up holding a wrench. Zim: GIR! The space/time object replacement device is ready! Younger Dib: An alien! Stand back! I'll get it! Younger Gaz: Not again. Zim: There! Dib in the past. So unknowing. So unprepared. Back before he was ever a threat to our mission, GIR! GIR: Ooooooooooooooh! Zim: A Hunter-Destroyer ma-- GIR: What is it?! Zim: A Hunter-Destroy-- GIR: What is it?!?! Zim: A Hunter-Destroyer machine, programmed to target the Earthboy in the past, to ensure that he will not be a problem to us in the present. GIR: Wait, if you destroyed Dib in the past, then he won't ever be your enemy, (short circuits) then you won't have to send a robot back to destroy him, and then he will be your enemy so you will have to send a robot back-- Zim: Now, to unleash screaming temporal doom! Computer: Object not compatible with temporal field. Zim: "Not compatible"?! Is this thing just completely useless?! "Not compatible"! Computer: Object accepted! Temporal displacement in process! Zim: Huh? Dib: An alien! Stand back, I'll get it! Dib: Beware, alien, I'm gonna-- Dib: Take... that... Dib: Hey Gaz, did you eat all the cereal? (Dib shakes the empty box upside down) I was gonna have this for breakfast tomorrow, you know! Gaz: You think you own all the cereal. Well, you know what Dib? You don't. You just don't. Dib: Look, all I'm saying is if you're going to-- Dib: What was I saying? Gaz, have I always sounded thisth funny? Gaz: Long as I've known you. Dib: And have I alwaysth had thisth claw for a hand? Gaz: Tricycle accident when you were 3, don't you remember? Dib: Hmmm... now that you mention it, I do. Bloaty: Heeey! You eat the pizza! Dib: The pig... it haunts me... Zim: Fascinating! Not the same as the Hunter-Destroyer plan, but I might be able to rid myself of Dib after all! GIR: Whyyy?!?! GIR: Why, my piggy?!?! I love-ed you, piggy! I love-ed you! Newscaster: And in other news, giant fish people are rampaging through the city. Gaz: You're gonna get in trouble as soon as Dad finds out you took his hover-helmet! Dib: I'll put it right back! Dib: I just wanna see if I can make it into space with this thing! Zim: GIR! Another pig! Dib: Wow! I can spy on a family of Nosferatus who just moved in down the street! Gaz: Wow! Dib: So anyhow, I was thinking I'd try one of Dad's old cloaking jackets and go spy on Zim's houthse! Gaz: Dib, shhh. They're gonna show the bats eating a cow! Dib: Whatever. I'm gonna sthneak up past those giant gnomesth-- Dib: --and leave a... nahsty message note (Dib stumbles on his words)... and leave a nasty note on his door. Gaz... have I always had these tubes in my neck? Gaz: Hover-helmet accident when you were 6. Punched a hole through it in the sewer system, don't you remember? Dib: *sigh* And have my plans always been this lame? Gaz: Ooooh yeah. Dib: And these... (eye twitches) visions of pigs... in my head... What's with these pigs?! Zim: Hmmm... hmmmm.... More piggies, GIR! I demand more piggies! Zim: No! These are for science! Zim: Science! Zim: Okaaay. Zim: Now... Zim: ... back to my filthy evil, I guess. Dib: It's a Bigfoot baby! I know it! Bigfoot Child: Leave me alone! Dib: Nobody has ever gotten footage this close before! Bigfoot Child: I'm a regular kid! I just want to eat grubs! Dib: Eat your grubs, Sasquatch! GIR: Doo dee doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo, doo dee doo dee doo, doo. Dib's voice: Zim! Zim! Dib: I know you're behind the piggies, Zim! I don't know how, but I know that it's you! Rubber piggies have ruined my life, and it's all been you! Zim: So close to victory. Paramedic: Come on, kid! If I lose one more patient today, I'm gonna get written off! Paramedic: Clear! Paramedic: Come on, kid! Paramedic: Clear! Paramedic: Oh, stay with me! STAY WITH ME!!! Zim: Aaah.... foolish Earth creature. Prof. Membrane: Since my son's skeleton was accidentally crushed by a paramedic in a freak piggy accident, I have created the new MegaBoy 3000 (Prof. Membrane lifts up a small model of the MegaBoy 3000) fusion-powered titanium exoskeleton! It will give him the strength of ten thousand little boys! Dib's voice: You will pay for ruining my childhood, Zim! YOU! WILL!! PAY!!! Zim: That last piggy should have reduced him to nothing! What happened?!?! Where did history go wrong?!?! Dib: My whole life has been a miserable pig-filled ordeal because of you! Dib: You can hide, Zim, but you can't... hide! Zim: There must be some way of stopping him, some point in time where he's still vulnerable to the piggy! Dib: Prepare for destruction! Zim: Only one left! Noooooo! GIR: Yay-- we're doomed! Zim: Wait! There may be one last chance! Zim: I have to warn myself in the past to never use this time machine! Zim: Now, to unleash screaming temporal doom! Dib: And now, Zim! This is for tampering with the past! This is for the pigs! Dib: Enjoy your last moment-- Dib: --of privacy! Soon the world will see-- wait a minute. Have I always been like this? Yes, I have, haven't I? My whole life! Good old Dib-like Dib! Dib: Wuh-hey!! Dib: Hey, wait a minute! Hey! GIR: It's like none of it ever happened! Where did the last piggy go? Zim: Now, to unleash screaming temporal doom! Zim's voice: ZIM! Don't use the time machine! Love, ZIM!
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