| abstract
| - (prologue): In November of 2012, Disney bought the entire Star Wars franchise from George Lucas and re-made the original Star Wars Trilogy. Here's the first trailer. From the magical people that brought you Aladdin and The Lion King comes a new out-of-this-world adventure. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a young farmer boy has dreams of becoming something greater. LUKE SKYWALKER: I wanna be where the Jedis are.'I wanna see; wanna see them killing. With wonderful re-imagined characters that are now even more kooky and fun. LUKE: Gee, this sure is the best. Huh C-3PO? With Chris Tucker as C-3PO. CHRIS TUCKER: Oh HELL NO I AIN'T GOING INTO NO OUTER SPACE! (Luke laughs) And Nicholas Cage as R2-D2. NICHOLAS CAGE: I'm Nick Cage and I play R2-D2. Beep beep boop. Beep-boop. Along the way, he'll make a bunch of new friends. HAN SOLO:Come on kid, hop on my millennium falcon. LUKE: Okay. Woah oh hold on, that's the millennium falcon? GIANT GUY IN A CHICKEN SUIT: Hop on my back, Luke. LUKE: Aaaah, nah. I would rather just... GUY: GET ON MY BACK! HAN AND LUKE: Wheeeeeeeeee! And against all odds, they'll go on an adventure to rescue the beautiful Princess Leia. HAN: Quick kids, get inside! LEIA: Thanks Luke. CHRIS: OH HELL NO YOU AIN'T FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR SISTER! (Luke and Han laugh) LUKE: Wait, what? Featuring twenty-eight original songs from Grammy Award Winner, Elton John. DARTH VADER: I could show you the galaxy.Sparkling - Shimmering - (long pause) Splendor... NICK: Can we stop at a drive-thru; I want a peach. And an all new song from Randy Newman of Toy Story fame. LUKE: I love you, dad. Disney Star Wars; get ready to fall in love with Star Wars all over again. JABBA: Be our guest! Be our guest!'Give that Jedi crap a rest.'Jump right in my sarlacc pit'So it can eat you and digest. CHRIS: OH, HELL NO; I AIN'T JUMPING IN NO SARLACC PIT! (Han and Luke laugh.Jabba fips the middle finger. Leia pushes Chris into pit.) CHRIS: OHHHHH HELLLLLLLLL NOOOOOO! NICK: 3-PO, look for clues while you're down there. We have to find Benjamin Franklin's penis. And we've brought back everyone's favorite character, Jar Jar. JAR JAR: Mesa the best character ever. (Leia, Luke,and Han killed Jar Jar.) Just kidding. F**k that guy. NERDS: Wow, they totally screwed up Star Wars now. I know; right? Let's go see it! Already bought us tickets. I already bought the lunchbox. I already bought slave Leia's bra.
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