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| - Opening Text: Long ago there were a race of men called the Druids who seemed to have strange abilities. It was never really proven that they were anything special, only strange. But now Arthur and his knights will come face to face with them. This is that story. Lancelot: Camelot! To you alone I give my all! I know in my soul, what you expect of me! And all that and more I shall be! Robin: Where are you? Where are you? Where are you my heart's desire? Arthur: I'm all alone! All by myself! There's no one here to guide me! Arthur: I'm all alone! Robin: Oh, no, you're not! Arthur: All by myself! Robin: I'm right beside you! Arthur: There's no one here to guide me! Arthur: I'm bored! Can't anyone think of something? Lancelot: I can think of nothing, sire. Arthur: Oh, shut up, Lancelot! You've been nothing but trouble! I had to put Guinevere to death because of you! Lancelot: Oh, right. Robin: Ooh! What if we went, on a holy quest, for a very expensive and overrated piece of dining ware? Lancelot: But that would never work! Robin: Why not?' Lancelot: Because there is no such dining ware! Lancelot: *Laughs* King me! Arthur: Oh yes there is, I see it before my very eyes right now! It's very expensive, and very overrated. It's the Holy Grail! Lancelot: Do you see anything at all, Robin? Robin: No, I don't. What, what does he think he sees there? Lancelot: I think he's insane! Robin: And I think you're right. Lancelot: Oh, yes! Robin: Oh, yes, definitely! Lancelot: I definitely see the Holy Grail, my lord. Robin: Stupid! Lancelot: Retard! Arthur: What should I do, Merlin? Merlin: You should seek out the Grail. Arthur: And how will I do that? Merlin: First, you must take your knights, Sir Robin and Sir Lancelot, to the mountain of Mt. Dune Tah Too Tae! There you will find your greatest foes yet. Arthur: Who Merlin, who? Merlin: The Druids! Arthur: No! Not the Druids! Merlin: Yes, the Druids. Arthur: I shall defeat them. Merlin: Yes you shall. Go, they have the Holy Grail. Only then, shall you be the once, and future king! Arthur: Right then! Merlin: Hey, where'd you go? Robin: I can't believe we have to defeat the Druids! Lancelot: Not a challenge at all, them Druids for me! Arthur: Be brave knights. They come, from the east! Robin: How do you know that? Arthur: Because I feel... the Force! Robin: Excuse me? Arthur: You know, the force of they're screams, before they come. Robin: Ooh. Lancelot, where do you think we should go? Lancelot: Well, I don't know, Robin. My liege, where do you think we should go? Robin: I think we should go northeast! Lancelot: Good idea my lord! Robin: Of course it's a good idea! Let's go. Druid King: You Arthur Pendragon, would wage a war on us?! Arthur: Yes, as a matter of fact I would, leader of the Druids. We know you have the grail. If you give it to me now, you will avoid utter defeat by our hands, and all sides will be left unharmed. Druid King: Execpt Arthur, I have no intention of giving you the Grail! Arthur: Well, in that case, stand by for attack! Druid King: Ready boys? Lancelot: My god, there must be, a hundred and fifty of them! How will you defeat them? Arthur: Too simple. Just take out the leader and they'll all run away. Lancelot: Oh, I see. Arthur: Did your house gotten dark [sic] since we started filming this movie? Charge! Merlin: So lady, what did you think was going to happen to Arthur at this point? Merlin: Well, there was a total eclipse in the sun, which made the atmosphere around Arthur and the Druid King, dark. So, they found a place, that made them brighter, so that they were able to see each other, so that they could kill each other! *Laughter* The Lady of the Lake: But as you see, me being the Lady of the Lake, I already knew that they were all going to die! Well, what ever happened to my part? Merlin: I don't know. The Lady of the Lake: Well, that's all right, Merlin, I'm not really angry, But, I would like to say one thing, this movie could have used better music. Merlin: You know what Lady of the Lake, you're right. Once in every movie, there comes a song of sentimentle value. The Lady of the Lake: How did I get overhere? Merlin: I don't know. But you're right, this movie is full of bad songs, and usually movies have good songs. Where is that one good song in this movie? *Singing* Once in every film, there comes a song like this. It starts off nice and low, then ends up with a kiss! Oh where, is the song, that goes like this!
* Singing* A sentimental song, that casts a magic spell! They'll only hum along, we'll overact like hell! Merlin and the Lady of the Lake: *Singing* Oh this, is the song, that ends like this! Merlin: Oh, yes, it is! The Lady of the Lake: Yes, it is! *Continues singing* Merlin: Back to the brightened warehouse where the fight continues! Druid King: You are beaten! Arthur: Never! Lancelot: Your sword, my liege! Druid King: Ha ha! You missed! Druid King: *Gasp* I'm slain! Lancelot: You cut his head off! There it is on the ground! Robin: Look, my liege, the other Druids went and ran away, just like you said they would! Arthur: So they did. And look, when his head got chopped up his body disappeared! Lancelot: Robin, I think it might be the Holy Grail! Robin: My liege, it is the Holy Grail! Lancelot: Wicked! Arthur: This is the Holy Grail? Robin: Yes! Arthur: This is not as good as Jesus made it out to be! Piece of rubbish! Robin: Jesus didn't make it! God did! Lancelot: But I don't think God would have wanted us to have it! Maybe there's some secret religious thing with it, I mean, I mean it's really a lot greater than it looks, my liege. There's a real good signifigance to the Holdy Grail! It must be, must be, eternal youth, or eternal life, something! Arthur: Yeah, right! Screw it! Merlin: And then Arthur had to go and throw away the Holy Grail! Y'know, that was the whole point of that quest! What do you think about this, Lady of the Lake? Robin: Well, It's good to be home, isn't it? Arthur: Too bad the journey was all for nothing! Lancelot: Damn right it was for nothing! Robin: We were only gone 2 hours. Lancelot: And by the way, why didn't I get a fight scene? Robin: I don't know! I'm not the director! Lancelot: To the Holy Grail! Arthur, Lancelot and Robin: The Holy Grail! Robin: Which you destroyed. Arthur: Quite! Now lads, there's one lesson learned from all this. Robin: What's that, my liege?
* Singing* Always look on the bright side of life! Always look on the bright side of life! Always look on the bright side of life!
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