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| - Moofy (cutesy voice): Wanna buy some chocolate-covered ninja-star COOKIES, MISTER? HUH???!! Neighbor (hands on knees): No, thank you! Neighbor (terrified): What are you doing? No!... Get away! Stop... Auugghh!! Neighbor: Ehhh... Ehhhhhh.... Computer: Perimeter warning. Zim: Oh, what is it this time? I haven't the patience for- (spots the screen) AHH!!! GIRL WITH COOKIES! GIRL WITH COOKIEEES!!!!! Zim: COMPUTER! RELEASE THE ROBOT GOPHER! Moofy: Laa-laa-laa-laaa, la-la-la-la-I like to sell some COOKIES! (Spasms) Laa-laa-laa-laa, la-la-la-la-I like to sell some COOKIES!!! Zim: Excellent, gopher. JUST as I programmed you to do. NOW, COMPLETE YOUR TASK! Zim: I... don't remember programming that. Woman: Good lord, that girl's stuck in some crazy hole of some sort! CALL THE MEDIA! Reporter: Sweet mother of corn! That girl's in trouble! Reporter: How's my makeup? Reporter: Cameraas!!! Zim (trying to reassure himself): OK, OK... I...I can fix this! Think, Zim.... I AM ZIM!! GIR: WE'RE ON TEEVEE! WE'RE ON TEEVEEEE!!!! Reporter: A seemingly peaceful neighborhood. An innocent Girly Ranger... Reporter: ... A horrible tragedy. Hundreds are gathered around this freakish home to provide emotional support. Zim: "Freakish home", that's good! But this has gotten out of hand. The child has brought unwanted attention! So many humans, blind as they are, might notice something about my secret base. Zim: I'll have to step up the house's appearance to make it look MORE normal! Rescue Member #1: DO NOT BE ALARMED, WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU! Moofy: GET AWAY! GET AWAY! starts screaming again, forcing the rescue member to back away. Rescue trooper #1: Oh, nooo! Moofy (cutesy voice): Mom! Dad! Look at me! I'm in a hole! giggles with nauseating sweetness. Cut back to Zim's base. Zim: Roboparents! turns to a screen displaying their status. Cloud their minds with some neighborly hospitality. RoboMom: Does anybody want MUFFINS? Holds out the toilet. Meanwhile, Rescue Trooper #2 approaches Moofy holding a giant pair of pliers. Rescue Trooper #2 (deep voice): HI THERE! Security Trooper #2: My goodness. Security Trooper #1: IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! SOMEBODY CALL THE PRESIDENT! Zim: That should do for the base. And now, GIR: TIME FOR SOME A-MAY-ZING DISGUISES! elevator platform descends beneath him, and GIR follows after, with a barely suppressed laugh of glee. Cut to Zim's neighborhood, where an enormous crowd of people have flocked to the site of Moofy's "suffering." Dib comes up to the rear of the crowd, and observes the various attractions that people have set up for the event: one guy is selling "Moofy Feet", another is handing out T-shirts bearing the legend "Free Moofy", and even a creepy-looking clown is handing out balloons. Dib approaches a nearby teen. Dib: What's going on? Teen: I dunno. (sotto voice): But don't eat the muffins! Dib: That's Zim's house!! Some Guy: Sshh! On-screen, the reporter is still prattling on about Moofy's ordeal. Reporter: Here were are at minute four of this poor girl's ordeal. Moofy, how do you feel? Moofy! Moofy: My leg is asleep... Audience: Aww. Reporter: Just how many more minutes will she have to suffer before rescue crews can free her? Huh? Dib: Why don't they just pull her out? Man next to Dib: She's lodged in real good. I heard her foot's poking out over in China. Plus, she screams real scary whenever anybody comes near her. Dib: Look at her. She's just smiling and waving. She just loves the attention. Wait a minute... Dib: Attention! If I can get up there, I can expose him on national TV! Reporter: I've recieved word that president man himself is on his way to the scene to take over this delicate, delicate operation. Zim: The Earth leader is on his way here? GIR, this is getting bad, very bad! Still, we may be able to use this. Dib: Excuse me. Pardon me, let me... Excuse me, saving the human race here! Man: Hey, watch where you're going! Dib: Sorry, I have to get by. It's a... planetary salvation thing. Man: You've got to buy some cookies first to support Moofy. Dib: I don't have time for this. The world doesn't have time for this! Man: Don't you want to support Moofy? Dib: Fine, whatever. Man: Hey, this isn't money! This is ham! You can't pay for cookies with ham! Dib: Why was there ham in my pocket? The three girls make a formation and pull out cookies like actual ninja stars and toss them at Dib. Dib dodges them and the man and the three charge toward Dib through the crowd. A man in a "rescue" outfit holds out a doll in front of Moofy from a distance. He wears a thick layer of protective gear with flashing lights on it. Another one cautiously approaches her from behind. Man: Hey, doody doody doo. Moofy: Get away! Man (baby-talking): I'm only trying to help you! Man: Goodness gracious, let me get you out of there. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from president land, I give you president man! Reporter: Mr. President, what are you going to do to help this help-less child? President: I pledge that this fine girly ranger will be rescued with both legs intact. Zim: I think I may have discovered a way to end Moofy's pain; to end all of your pain. Dib: Zim! Zim: Mr. President, since the unfortunate filthy ranger won't let anyone close enough to rescue her, the only way to get her out will be to use sonic vibrations. Reporter: Sonic vibrations? Zim: Silence! And, yes. Zim: Using a giant nuclear-powered shaking machine, we can shake the entire Earth, jarring the poor girl loose. President: We don't have that technology. Zim: You can borrow mine! Dib: A machine like that would destroy the surface of the planet! All life as we know--- President: It just might work. People love shaking! Whoo! Zim: GIR, let's get out of here! Soon, the Earth will shake until all of the humans are nothing but soup. Soup! President: You, get me the nuclear people on the phone! I want those vibrations. Man: Yes, sir. Dib: Wait! I have a better plan. President: Who's that crazy boy? Dib: Just tunnel under her. She'll never know you're coming so she can't fight it, and her leg will be fine. And, if you just happen to find an alien base down there, you can destroy it. President: What's he talking about? Where's the charts? Where's the pretty pictures? This plan is stupid. Man: I have the, uh, nuclear people on the line. Dib: If you shake the Earth, we'll all be destroyed! That's what Zim wants. President: That's a chance we're all going to have to take. Get him out of --- President: Wait a minute. Are those... C-Chocolate Ninja-Star Cookies? Dib: Yes! Yes, they are. President: Oh, I love Ninja-Star cookies. Dib: I'll make you a trade. Zim: At last, GIR, we're finally through with this horrible planet. President: Thanks to this delicious boy, we have a new plan for freeing young Moofy. We are going to use this digging machine. Zim: The Dib. The Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he's evil! Now they'll find the base. There's only one thing I can do. GIR: You're gonna make biscuits? You're gonna make biscuits? You're gonna make biscuits? You're gonna make biscuits? Zim: No, GIR. Never. I never want you to mention biscuits ever again. Woman: Hey, what's that floppy guy doing? Man: He's going to rip her leg off! Zim: Get off my lawn, cookie beast. Moofy: No! I'm going to be on TV forever! Reporter: And so, the saga of Moofy comes to a happy end, thanks the the efforts of this mysterious hero. Reporter: No one knows who he was or where he came from, but we all know that he's here, in our hearts. Dib: It's not a mystery. It's Zim! He's an alien, he lives right here! He tried to destroy us all! Dib: Hey, I really am stuck! Wait, come back! Help! Dib: Help...
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