About: Martian Ocean   Sponge Permalink

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The Martian Ocean is -- or was -- a result of the Great Flood. (But see Hindu version, below.) God, having come to believe that He'd screwed up in creating mankind, decided to drown everyone. To do that He needed an immense amount of water, enough to raise sea level by maybe 4 or 5 kilometers. By chance He had stashed just the quantity he needed on nearby Mars, in the Martian Ocean.

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  • Martian Ocean
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  • The Martian Ocean is -- or was -- a result of the Great Flood. (But see Hindu version, below.) God, having come to believe that He'd screwed up in creating mankind, decided to drown everyone. To do that He needed an immense amount of water, enough to raise sea level by maybe 4 or 5 kilometers. By chance He had stashed just the quantity he needed on nearby Mars, in the Martian Ocean.
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  • The Martian Ocean is -- or was -- a result of the Great Flood. (But see Hindu version, below.) God, having come to believe that He'd screwed up in creating mankind, decided to drown everyone. To do that He needed an immense amount of water, enough to raise sea level by maybe 4 or 5 kilometers. By chance He had stashed just the quantity he needed on nearby Mars, in the Martian Ocean. Ok, it wasn't by chance. Being omniscient, He knew He'd want that water in order to wipe out land-living life on Earth. Why his omniscience didn't tell him that mankind would turn out badly is beyond the scope of this article. See instead Limitations of Superpowers as Applies to God. At any rate, God simply evaporated the Martian Ocean and re-constituted it on Earth as the Noachic 40-day global rainstorm. Of course as we all know, after deciding He'd made a mistake and ought to wipe everyone out He flip-flopped again, and made up His mind (final answer) to save Noah and his immediate family. As a kind of ace-in-the-hole He also preserved all the diseases and parasites He might find useful for tormenting mankind later, as well as others of His favorite land animals. Left behind were dinosaurs, unicorns, dragons, mastodons, giant ground sloths, intelligent politicians, Godzilla, saber-toothed tigers, and other preposterous and impossible creatures. When He was done drowning things, God gradually evaporated the surplus water and returned it to Mars. Unfortunately, the thin carbon dioxide atmosphere of Mars caused the mighty rain thus created to escape into space, where it formed the tenuous rings around Jupiter.
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