| abstract
| - Canadian beer is an amber-coloured liquid whose production is almost entirely owned and marketed by Americans. The reluctance of Americans to acknowledge their involvement (as with Tim Hortons), makes this a quintessential Canadian product. The same process is introduced to Canadian beer. In addition, Tim Hortons and beer have the same retrival process: 1.
* Go get it. 2.
* Get excited about having it. 3.
* Eagerly consume it. 4.
* Become sad that it is all gone. 5.
* Make it your lifelong quest to get more of it. Canadian Beer was first created by the top-secret "Montréal Project" during WWII. The first documented test of Canadian Beer resulted in the destruction of 2 square kilometers of forest, reportedly pushed down by a group of drunks. They then marched into Ottawa and ate a lot of Poutine which then caused them to go to Tim Hortons because they were cold and thirsty, then they went and got more beer (because they were still cold), and they have been in a vicous cycle ever since. Since its inception, the UN has been trying to stem the production of Canadian Beer and gradually phase it out, because the beer companies have hidden a doomsday devices in the beer. Canadians get drunk off their asses every weekend trying to find the device before it's too late, but end up only finding themselves lying in the driveway in the morning. These attempts have not been taken well by countries such as Mongolia, since half their country was asploded by the Canadians droping a 2000 kilotonn Beer Bomb on them(thats where the common party device got its popular name). Mongolia's enemies all have Canadian Beer, so Mongolia has been trying for quite some time to develop its own, but they cannot make strong enough explosives because its impossable with people that can't even make moonshine, unlike Canada where people do it all the time. At last report, Mongolia had stormed out of Canadian Beer non-proliferation talks with Canada and Sweden, only to be asploded by more explosive beer. Canadian Beer is the official liquid of TriCanada, Which is located above Canada Canada. There isn't even any water, Just empty bottles. Although shocking, there is water in Canadian beer and all of the water in TriCanada was used to make that said beer. After its initial uses of getting people drunk and having it taste some what better than americas near frozen buffalo piss(beer), it fueled the first Beer-Bomb from Canada's top secret mountain range launch pads. This was a complete failure as someone was to drunk to put in the guidance system resulting in millions of moose and beavers dead. Geese were no harmed. They later banned the project because people realised that everyone in Canada was too drunk to build bombs anyhow. Americans have nothing on Canadians when it comes to drinking, becase Canadians are always drunk or stoned with some Weed. Because of their growing tolerance to alcohol, beer companies have had to make the beer 180 proof strength (90% for the dummys). Now when Americans drink a single Canadian beer, they start walking into walls, and then asplode because Candian beer is still volatile inside you, while Canadians chug 16 beers a night and drive home in thir snowmobiles. Americans also can't hold the liquor if they got sum, and usually get caught by the cops. Warning this is top secret Canadian shit. The reason that Canadians can drive home and not get pulled over when piss drunk is that they play hockey when they are drunk off their asses. Because hockey is the greatest non-video game game in history, you can only play it when drunk, so it causes your brain to shrink causing you to drive in a straight line on the highway.
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