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| - (The episode begins with a temple with a volcano behind it.) Announcer: A thousand years ago, in the most ancient of dojos, the most delicious sandwich in the world entered our realm. (The sandwich flies out of the volcano and a man on a sidewalk catches it and eats it.) Announcer: The only problem is if you eat it wrong... You die. Man: Huh? (The man explodes. Then the scene cuts to a shirtless man holding the sandwich.) Announcer: Fortunately, men discovered the correct way to eat it. (The man's pants get ripped into jean shorts and a mullet wig appears on his head.) Announcer: With cut-off jean shorts and the proper haircut. (The man holds the sandwich up, then the scene cuts to a montage of random guys with jean shorts and mullets eating the sandwich in different ways.) Announcer: (Sings) Death Sandwich! Death Sandwich! If you don't eat it right, you're gonna DIE tonight! It's the Death Sandwi-i-i-i-i-i-ich!! Announcer: So come on down to "Death-Kwon-Do Pizza & Subs". Man: (Points to the camera) And remember, eat it right or you die! Mordecai and Rigby: Uhh... Sensai: How may I help you? (notices Mordecai and Rigby) You guys?! Mordecai: Haha, hey. Sensai: So, you have the nerve to look me in the eye after nearly destroying my Death-Kwon-Do business. Mordecai: Look, we're sorry about that, man. But hey, it looks like you really bounced back. Got this whole sandwich gig going on, looking good. Sensai: (Sighs) You're lucky forgiveness is one of the many virtues of Death-Kwon-Do. So what can I get you? Mordecai and Rigby: The Death Sandwich! Sensai: To receive the Death Sandwich, you must first sign this waiver of death. Mordecai: Yeah, sure. Let's do it. Rigby: Why not? Sensai: Alright, I'll have that out for you in a minute. (The Sensai backflips to behind a table and makes the Death Sandwich and making noises at the same time; the Sensai puts his hands together and brings it to Mordecai and Rigby.) Sensai: One Death Sandwich. Mordecai and Rigby: Yeah-yuh! Sensai: But, remember. If you don't eat it right, you die. Mordecai: Yeah, yeah. Wear mullets and jean shorts. We got it. (Mordecai grabs the sandwich; scene goes to them walking into the kitchen.) Rigby: Man, I'm about to tear this thing up! (Mordecai and Rigby laugh as they open it.) Mordecai: Whoa, wait. We gotta get mullets and cut-offs first. Rigby: Aw, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you're talking lunch! Mordecai and Rigby: Death Sandwich! Death Sandwich! Death Sandwich! Benson: Well, well, well. Looks like it's time for a little payback. Let's see how they like it when somebody else steals their sandwich. Mordecai and Rigby: Death Sandwich! Death Sandwich! Rigby: Aw, what? Mordecai: Benson! Mordecai: Whoa, are you alright? Rigby: It really is a death sandwich. Benson: Death sandwich?! Why would you buy something that kills people!? Rigby: Why would you eat somebody's sandwich? Mordecai: Come on, guys. This is serious. We gotta get Benson a cure from the Death Sandwich before it's too late. Mordecai: Dude, you gotta help us. Our boss ate the Death Sandwich wrong. Sensai: What? How could this have happened? Rigby: We left it in the kitchen, and Benson came and ate it. Sensai: (Groans) It is clearly stated in the waiver that the Sandwich should never be left unaccompanied under any circumstances! Benson: You didn't read the waiver? Sensai: Now, if you would excuse me, I have a business to conduct. Good day, gentlemen. Rigby: But our boss is gonna die! Benson: If the Sandwich is so dangerous, then why don't you just take me to the hospital? Mordecai: Yeah, you're probably right. Let's get outta here. Sensai: (Groans) I'm afraid that would be a fatal mistake. (They all stop, then turn around.) Your boss is now far beyond the help of Western medicine. Rigby: Well, then, what are we supposed to do? Sensai: His only chance of survival now is to see my Sensei, the Grand Master of Death-Kwon-Do. He is the protector of the Sandwich of Life. Rigby: What's the Sandwich of Life? Sensai: It is the only known cure for the Death Sandwich. He will listen to your request, and if he agrees, he will let Benson have a taste. One bite from the sandwich will cure him instantly. Mordecai: All right, let's do this. What's his address? Sensai: I'm afraid it is not that simple. No mere outsider is allowed before the Sensei. I must accompany you on your journey. But time is of the essence. If your boss does not take a bite from the Sandwich of Life within six hours, he will die. Mordecai: What's gonna happen to him if we can't get the Sandwich of life in six hours? Sensai: His body will undergo six stages of agony while speeding towards his inevitable death. His face will turn green and he'll begin to choke. Rigby: That's what was happening to him in the kitchen! Sensai: Yes. Soon after, his face will start to burn. Benson: Oww! It burns! Sensai: Benson's intestines will begin to melt and leak out of his body. (Rigby scoots away from Benson.) He will shriek in pain, but no one will hear it, because his vocal chords will have long since evaporated. But then he'll regain his vocal chords... Mordecai: Oh. Sensai: ...Only to cry out for mercy in ancient dialects long since forgotten. Benson: I'm pretty sure you can go 65 here. Sensai: I'm gonna go request a meeting with the Sensei. You guys just wait here. Sensai: Okay, minor setback. I forgot to mention that me and the Sensei kind of had a falling out. (He drives away.) It's time for Plan B. Mordecai: What's Plan B? Sensai: (Opens the trunk) We sneak in and take the sandwich by force. Here, Benson. You're gonna need the power of Death-Kwon-Do. (He tosses a pair of cut-off jeans to Benson.) Benson: What, I just have to put these on? Sensai: Not quite. (He pulls out a razor, and then turns it on.) Sensai: The Sandwich of Life is at the very top of the mountain. Come now. We move as one! Temple Guard: Hey, stop! Sensai: Quickly! Into the first chamber! Sensai: Things will become increasingly more difficult as we approach the sandwich. Be ready. Guard: (Attack yell) ...I mean Step of Dea-a-a-a-a-aa-ath! (He plummets to his doom.) Sensai: That reminds me. In this room, you must say, "Step of Death" every time you step, or you will plummet to your death. Almost slipped my mind. Guards: Step of Death! Step of Death! Step of Death! Mordecai and Rigby: Step of Death! Guard: Step of Death! Mordecai and Rigby: Step of Death! (They use a Death Punch on the guard.) Sensai and Benson: Step of Death! Step of Death! (The final Guard leaps in the air, swinging his weapon violently. Sensai and Benson dodge out of the way.) Guard: Step of Death! Sensai: (Does a Death Kick) Step of Death! Rigby: (Does a Death Flip on another guard) Step of Death! Benson: (Weakly) Step of De-e-e-eath! Benson: (Weakly) Agga dagga dume tu kara tu... Mordecai: We're almost to the top, Benson. Don't give up yet. Sensai: The Sensei is through that door. (The door opens to reveal the Grand Sensei floating above the tip of the mountain's summit. Two sandwiches are next to him.) Mordecai: Is that your Sensei? Sensai: Yes. And that sandwich right there is the Sandwich of Life. Rigby: Which one? There's two of them. Sensai: It's the on the organic multi-grain. Opposite, we have the deadliest sandwich known to man: the Double Death Sandwich. Mordecai and Rigby: Whoooooaaa... Sensai: Just let me address the Sensei. He might still be mad at me. Sensai: Sensei... Sensai's Master: You got a lot of nerve coming back here after what you pulled. Sensai: Forgive me, Sensei... Rigby: What did you do? (Sensai groans.) Sensai's Master: I took him off the streets and raised him like my own son. He repaid me by stealing the recipe for the Death Sandwich and mass-producing without permission! Sensai: I will accept full responsibility for my crimes against the school. But there is now a more pressing matter at hand. Our friend Benson is about to die from eating the Death Sandwich incorrectly. We humbly request that you bestow the Sandwich of Life upon him. Sensai's Master: (Laughs) You must be a real fool. Did you honestly think I'd just hand over the Sandwich of Life? Kill them! Sensai's Master: You don't deserve the powers of Death-Kwon-Do! Mordecai and Rigby: Yaaa! (They start fighting the Grand Sensei. But the Grand Sensei has the upper hand and lands multiple blows while also blocking their attacks.) Benson: (Weakly) Agga dagga... (Coughs) sanoubi... Sensai's Master: (Laughs) He says that he forgives you. It's too bad he'll never taste from the Sandwich of Life. (He removes the cover from the Double Death Sandwich.) Sensai: Sensei, no! Not the Double Death Sandwich! Sensai's Master: Order up! (With an attack yell, he sends the Double Death Sandwich flying forward.) Mordecai and Rigby: (Gasp) The Bicycle Kick of Death! Mordecai: Now! Sensai: Come on... Rigby: What's happening? Sensai: The mountain is self-destructing! Sensai: Use the Death Jump! Mordecai: Thanks so much. I don't know how we can ever repay you. Sensai: I'll probably think of something. Announcer: So come on down to "Death-Kwon-Do Pizza & Subs" at the Two Pines Mall. And remember... Mordecai and Rigby: (Point to the camera) Eat it right, or you die!
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