I made this an ass long time ago. It won me Author of the Month but failed at VFH Its pretty long, so if you can't do long articles don't bother. Indepth please! Thanks! 07:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC) I would like to review this. Please give me a day or so. 08:14, 17 January 2010 This needs major grammar cleanup and some minor formatting. Do you mind if I assist you with this instead of a review? I think it could possibly be feature-worthy! 07:43, 18 January 2010 Sure you can assist-- 15:57, January 18, 2010 (UTC) All done! I hope you like it. 19:54, 19 January 2010
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| rdfs:label
| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:In Search of the Lost Whatchamacallit (2nd Review)
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| rdfs:comment
| - I made this an ass long time ago. It won me Author of the Month but failed at VFH Its pretty long, so if you can't do long articles don't bother. Indepth please! Thanks! 07:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC) I would like to review this. Please give me a day or so. 08:14, 17 January 2010 This needs major grammar cleanup and some minor formatting. Do you mind if I assist you with this instead of a review? I think it could possibly be feature-worthy! 07:43, 18 January 2010 Sure you can assist-- 15:57, January 18, 2010 (UTC) All done! I hope you like it. 19:54, 19 January 2010
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| Mcomment
| - A bit higher than your average.
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| Pcomment
| - Prose is reasonably good. Tone is fairly consistent. This is also the time where I attempt to do some proofreading.
Chapter 2
*begin out descent.
Chapter 5
*Johny was shooting
Chapter 7
*Your the one
Chapter 8
*too gruesomer than - shouldn't it be "more gruesomer than"?
*One of my pet peeves is when people use "myself" randomly. "Myself am the only survivor left" is not right, and for the same reason, "Myself, Sarah and Frank were the only survivors left" is not right. Should be "Sarah, Frank, and I were the only survivors left". However I can see how that could be a problem to your whole sentence structure. So just treat this as the babbling of a grammar Nazi and don't change a thing unless you want to.
Chapter 9
*mouth What
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| Icomment
| - You have enough pictures, which is good. The last one was funny, and a bit creepy too. Maybe you could tie it into the text somehow? Try to explain why they all look alike or something? I didn't like the rock picture. From just looking at the picture without looking at the text I couldn't tell what it was. It looked like someone painted a humanoid figure onto a boulder. It didn't even look like Mr. T, as you would expect Mr T to be more muscular. Also didn't like the laser one. It's like saying Frank is supposed to look like that mouth.
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| - See I was fine with the start of the article, but I did not like the middle and end bits. The reason, I think, is because random + random = not funny. Mr T. was a bit random, but I found that ok because up until that point that was only one thing. As the randomness accumulates, the article became less and less funny. On the other hand, random + serious = slightly more funny. You can't be random and crazy all the time, and you need to play the "straight man" regularly. To this I would recommend keeping only one or two of the internet meme jokes, and make your other jokes more normal or serious.
Most featured articles have a running joke or a main joke. Yours doesn't. So you seriously need to get the concept of your article together, and try to make all your jokes have a somewhat similar theme, or linked somehow. A lot of things are just referenced once, and never brought up again. Consistency helps decrease perceived randomness. So when you try to work something into the story, try to give the reader a good reason. If, for instance, you want to continue to write about internet memes, maybe you could make whatchamacallit connected to internet culture somehow?
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| - -50.0
- General Comments
So my first thought was, "This looks promising", but the more I read the more random it seemed. But then I realized, this is as good as internet meme humour can get, and well-written meme humour is really rare, so good job. But, this is also why I think the article won't get featured , without a significant conceptual change.
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| Fcomment
| - Scoring is really, really arbitrary. Talk page, blah blah.
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| Signature
| - Hiatus Hernia/sig2 (18:04, Feb 12, 2010)
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| abstract
| - I made this an ass long time ago. It won me Author of the Month but failed at VFH Its pretty long, so if you can't do long articles don't bother. Indepth please! Thanks! 07:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC) I would like to review this. Please give me a day or so. 08:14, 17 January 2010 This needs major grammar cleanup and some minor formatting. Do you mind if I assist you with this instead of a review? I think it could possibly be feature-worthy! 07:43, 18 January 2010 Sure you can assist-- 15:57, January 18, 2010 (UTC) All done! I hope you like it. 19:54, 19 January 2010 Note to all users: this is currently on VFH, so wait until the nomination ends, if this wins, this pee can be deleted, if if doesnt, pee away then!-- 02:48, January 23, 2010 (UTC) Well, since nobody is doing this, I will. 13:11, Feb 12, 2010
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