| abstract
| - D&D is a game about stabbing people in the face, rifling through their pockets and/or home, and then going back to your own home where the beer is cold and the women are warm and waiting for the next foolio to present himself for stabbing (and rifling). That being said, war is the same thing, but writ large. War in the 3.5e universe is very nasty, very brutal, and very short. It all comes down to the question "who's got the bigger heroes?" Peasant uprisings of plucky farmers just don't happen in a world where a 1st level mage with a Wand of Fireballs and a decent Hide check can set an army of thousands on fire, and the bravest and best trained units of knights just aren't going to conquer the land/government that has a guy chain-binding vrocks to serve as elite terror squads to kill every peasant in a hundred mile radius of your capital. If you have the bigger heroes, they knock down any smaller heroes, then walk up to the Kingdom of Good King Draxall … yada yada yada…and hear the lamentation of his womenfolk. It doesn't really matter if King Draxall's castle is now full of lava because the attackers opened a gate to a volcano in his throne room or if they went all Die Hard on the King's personal guard and gutted the bunch….the truly important troops (i.e. heroes) traveled at least as fast as griffonback and smashed the Kingdom while the King was still training his peasants on which end of a spear to poke people with. That doesn't mean that armies don't have a place in 3.5e. Once the important business of nailing enemy heroes to a tree is done, someone has to pacify the new populace, enslave them to work the salt mines, collect taxes, and generally put down any rebellions or resistance movements of local yahoos (which might be gnoll bandits, a wandering ankheg, or other unimportant challenge for our heros). Heroes are generally more concerned with bigger and more rewarding problems like the undead pouring out of the newly discovered (ie unlooted) ruins in Moil than the fact that the peasants of the former King Draxell are up in arms over the latest taxes on grain. But occasionally, someone does attempt a military victory. It might be an aristocrat with more gold than sense or a necromancer with an animation fixation, but troops will be secretly trained, mercenaries will be hired, and cadres of spies will pour into the prospective target land. Sometimes this crap works, as the relevant heroes who might defend the land might be bribed to stand aside, assassinated with extreme prejudice, or just be on another plane at the time, and then it’s the Wytch King's skeletal footman vs. King Draxall's Knights of the Holy Relic for real old-timey war on respectable battlefields. The problem is that this kind of thing is that it generally doesn't last. Once the local hero population replenishes itself, those guys will become the local rulers by default, even if they only pay lip service to King Draxall in public. Empires lasting thousands of years are not products of military might, but a good PR department with an eye for finding up-and-coming heroes who are smart enough to maintain the fiction of a stable society rather than upset the peasants by reminding them that they live and die by the whims of guys who think that summoning angels from heaven to set off dungeon traps is an acceptable practice.
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