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| - I pad quietly through the night. I love night more than anything. It has a kind of magic, similar to that of one of those oasis-things that Voletooth used to tell me about when I was a kit. A breath of fresh air midst the chaotic madness that is my life. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my life. I love my position as a medicine cat, it feels as natural as breathing. Nothing could ever beat the rush of adreline that surges through you when you realize you have saved a cat's life. Killing is so wrong for me, so against my nature. If it wasn't for the life of medicine, I would never be able to live with RiverClan. But there are times when it's hard. When you fail, when guilt burns in your heart. When life is a mass of chaos and you can't tell the difference between borage and juniper. When the whole Clan is sick and only you can save them. During those times, it's all I can really do to steal a few moments to myself. "Leafpool!" I whisper, and wait a few moments. Where is she? Then I remember. Leafpool is no longer a medicine cat. "What do you want?" I hear a snarl. It's not Leafpool, I realize, disappointed. Then icy claws of fear clutch at my heart. I have been caught on ThunderClan territory. There is no way for me to run. The ThunderClan tom would follow me, and although I could easily outrun him any other night, I'm too tired to outrun a mouse tonight. Fighting is out of the question. A tiny apprentice medicine she-cat against a well-fed, fully grown tom? That would be certain death. I can't see the cat but I can tell he is a tom, and no apprentice could sound that aggressive. So I just wait for the end. "Just because I'm blind doesn't mean I can't rip the fur off intruders!" I recognise the voice with relief. "Jayfeather, it's me! Willowshine!" I cry. I can sense him relaxing but his tone is still the same as he replies. "What do you want?" he snaps. "I was looking for watermint. I got a bit carried away." I explain, but it's obvious that he will not believe any answer unless it puts me in the wrong. Stubborn tom, I think bitterly. Then I remind myself that Jayfeather has every right to be sour. He can't see anything. Not even the breath-taking beauty of the Moonpool. Not even me. That thought makes me somehow sad. Jayfeather can't and won't ever see me in the real world. "Yeah, right." he snaps. I hiss at him, my fur fluffing up. The wind tugs at my fur, chilling me. His glittering blue eyes stare me down, and I stand my ground. Whether I'm intruding or not, I won't give up to his scornful watch.It's hard to believe that he can't see me, because our eyes have locked in an unspoken battle of wills. The wind calls a little louder, and I'm tempted to leave Jayfeather and run with the breeze. An unexpected lash takes us both by surprise, and suddenly I am sure that it is not the wind that has started to tear at my pelt, but... "Move!" I screech, pushing him to the side. The silky gray tom tumbles over, growling loudly. But I manage to shove him away before the dark rush of wind can strike him. It makes no sense but I can't let him die. "Don't be a coward." a dark shape is standing before me, staring us down. A pair of burning amber eyes scorch me, rooting me to the spot. Jayfeather must have heard the cat, but he is still snarling at me. "Brambleclaw?" I gasp, scanning the dark tabby tom in horror. Why has the deputy attacked us? How did he materialize from the gentle wind? It makes so little sense. The cat rolls his eyes, mouth turned upwards in a mixture between a vicious snarl and a taunting purr. "Father?" Jayfeather deliberately turns from me, sniffing the air. The deputy does smell the same, but somehow... different. And even a RiverClan cat would know that Brambleclaw isn't as full of hate as this. What is this change? What has happened? "Stay back!" I hiss, tugging at his fur. The medicine cat's claws unsheath. I am too afraid to wonder if he wants to fight me, the tabby tom, or both of us. As I struggle to draw Jayfeather from the tabby, an unexpected blow makes me dizzy. I fall to the ground with a cry. Jayfeather has obviously realized that something isn't right, because he is standing over me, as if to protect me. As if he would have a chance. "I am not here to harm the she-cat. She may go free. I am here, Jayfeather, only for you." Brambleclaw's amber eyes are burning with hate. "You're not going to touch me. No cat will." Jayfeather growls. I pull myself to my paws, and stagger over to the dark tom. "How could you hurt your son?" I gasp for breath, not hesitant to rest my head on Jayfeather's shoulder. The next thing I know, I am on my back. A hard, sharp blow makes me give a screech of pain. I cannot breath, cannot move, cannot think. The weight on my shoulders is tormenting me, and I am going to die here and now. "No." the weight disappears. In a chaotic rush of limbs, I wriggle free from Brambleclaw's pin. "That's Tigerstar, you fool, not Brambleclaw! You can't reason with him any more than you can with an angry hedgehog." the blind tom screeches. This makes sense. Brambleclaw is a bossy piece of ThunderClan rubbish, but he's noble and all that. StarClan has chosen him as a deputy, and that is good enough for me. Feathertail has told me all about the Great Journey here, and she says that Brambleclaw was one of the cats who made the first journey. In my dreams, we talk a lot. "Stay back." the arrival of a blue-gray she-cat had previously escaped my notice, but I'm not sure how. After a moment of confusion, I see stars glowing faintly under her pelt. I know this cat. I know her better than many cats do. "Mistyfoot, what happened?" I whisper. She dips her head to me, pride glowing in her eyes. But it's not pride for me. It's another sort of pride, the sort that a mother would show to her kit. The sort of pride that I've always craved but have never been shown, because Mosspelt can't stop grieving for one of her adopted kits, Feathertail, and missing her other, Stormfur. "Leave them be." Mistyfoot's voice is very different. I wonder who she's thinking of. Reedwhisker? He's a good warrior. But why is she thinking of him now? I watch as the she-cat strikes Tigerstar harshly. He disappears with a roar so full of hate that I can feel the anger burning in it. Awed, I stare at the cat that has saved us both. I'll never forget her. Never. What will RiverClan become now? Why did she have to lose her life so young? I think about the burdens she has borne alone. Losing her mother, her father, her brother, her sister, her best friend, even her place in the Clan for a short time. She's lived through it all silently. And now she has lost her life. "RiverClan is grateful to you for all that you have done, Mistyfoot. Rest in peace among the stars." I take a step back, my heart heavy and my eyes glistening with tears. But Jayfeather surges forwards. His eyes flutter shut, hiding his blindness. To any cat, he'd seem normal now. Except from the fact that he's before a cat that has stars in her fur. "It is indeed an honour to be mistaken for your friend, young one, but there is no need to fear. Mistyfoot lives on in RiverClan. She doesn't deserve to resemble me so closely. Her path has been hard, yet so has mine and yours. My name is Bluestar." relief floods me. So this is Mistfoot's mother, not her in person. "Pay heed to StarClan's will, young ones. These times are hard, and my journey here will not go unnoticed by the Dark Forest. Your paths will be paved with difficult choices, but you will never be alone. StarClan watches you always. Two must meet once more as lovers forbidden, The cat gives us this sad, sad look. It's so intense, and so sorrowful, that I wonder if she knows what is going to happen to us already. Her gaze turns to me, burning so brightly that I wonder if she's waiting for me to speak. I don't know what to say, so I just dip my head respectfully as she fades into the night air. Jayfeather doesn't turn to me. "What can it mean?" I whisper, but I think I know. I hope I know. "So two forbidden lovers will meet and find out this oh-so-important secret." Jayfeather begins to decipher it, "One of Wind, one of Thunder... so it must mean one cat from each Clan? River and Thunder must be me and you, or else there would be no point in telling us." I reply. "Great. So you, me, and a couple of random cats are going to uncover darkness and follow our hearts and save the world and go power-crazy. That's just great." he grumbles. "But listen! Feather and Shine have to stay true to their love and pay heed to their power. They said your love. And I am Willowshine, as you are Jayfeather." the truth hits me as hard as a stone. But it can't be right. Medicine cats can't fall in love. I never intended to. It never even crossed my mind. I am already in love with my Clan. Anyway, if I had to love a cat, it wouldn't be a grumpy ThunderClan medicine cat. But deeper than that, I know I can't help it. If only Jayfeather could see, and he was in RiverClan, and medicine cats could take mates, and StarClan decided to make the Clans live in harmony, and I could have kits... None of that is going to happen. Why have I suddenly started to wish for all this? I had never wanted a mate before, or kits. I still don't want any of it. My paws are set on the path of a medicine cat, and it is the same for Jayfeather. Two medicine cat paths will never entwine. They lead, ultimately, to the same place. But they will never join as one till we reach the end of this path that is life. Why should I love him? Why not Grasspelt, or Beetlewhisker? They are just as bad tempered. I close my eyes, and feel myself being taken back to a kithood memory. Now I understand. Jayfeather might be a grumpy old badger, but his grumpiness is the darkness. If I wait, The noble cat underneath will shine through. That's why I love him deep down. He's suffered so much but his heart is good. Grasspelt and Beetlewhisker are just plain selfish. And Jayfeather shares my passion, medicine, which means more to me than anything else. To me, Jayfeather can see more than any other cat in the world, because he doesn't kill. In my opinion, once you have spilt innocent blood, you can't see the world for what it is. You can only see a twisted, warped universe that you imagine to be real. Revenge and envy and hate cloud your vision more than blindness. "You're lying!" Jayfeather snarls. He steps away from me, shaking himself in disgust, like a ShadowClan cat who has just fallen in the lake. In my head, I silently beg StarClan to tell Jayfeather that I am not lying. But nothing happens. "I would never lie to you!" I mew. "You're pretending to be in love with me, aren't you? So you can steal ThunderClan supplies. You're trying to use me. For StarClan's sake, we're both medicine cats from different Clans! You might have all the other toms running after you, but I'm not mousebrained. I can see right through you." "But... you heard the prophecy!" I splutter. "It's all lies! We can't love each other! This whole world is just lies, lies, lies!" he exploded. "Fine. You go and make more enemies. Go and ignore StarClan." I screech, unable to stay calm any longer. "I will! I hate you, you stupid fish-face. I'll never, NEVER love you." he roars. I realize what he is doing. "You don't mean it. You're trying to make me hate you. Because you're scared. You want to love me but you can't " I say softly. "Lies!" he snaps one final time, before collapsing to the floor. "You know, deep down, that I'm not lying." I murmur. Briefly, almost indistinguishably, he nods.
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