About: Ass-load (SI)   Sponge Permalink

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While working in his laboratory one fine summer’s evening on a cure for the common Tourette’s Syndrome, Dr. Gary Hawkings finally realized, and explained to his colleague, Dr. Whogivesadamn, that their boss was a sick, sadistic freak. Determined to find some way to get back at him, Dr. Hawkings invented the unit of measurement “ass-load”, which he defined as “the amount of stuff up any given employer’s ass”. Within moments, Dr. Gary Hawkings had contacted the U.N. security council to present this new unit of measurement. China vetoed it, saying that the measurement was much too variable, on the grounds that different employers could stuff different amounts of questionable objects into their respective anuses. Enraged, Dr. Gary Hawkings went over their heads and contacted Jesus via Facebook

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rdfs:label
  • Ass-load (SI)
rdfs:comment
  • While working in his laboratory one fine summer’s evening on a cure for the common Tourette’s Syndrome, Dr. Gary Hawkings finally realized, and explained to his colleague, Dr. Whogivesadamn, that their boss was a sick, sadistic freak. Determined to find some way to get back at him, Dr. Hawkings invented the unit of measurement “ass-load”, which he defined as “the amount of stuff up any given employer’s ass”. Within moments, Dr. Gary Hawkings had contacted the U.N. security council to present this new unit of measurement. China vetoed it, saying that the measurement was much too variable, on the grounds that different employers could stuff different amounts of questionable objects into their respective anuses. Enraged, Dr. Gary Hawkings went over their heads and contacted Jesus via Facebook
dcterms:subject
abstract
  • While working in his laboratory one fine summer’s evening on a cure for the common Tourette’s Syndrome, Dr. Gary Hawkings finally realized, and explained to his colleague, Dr. Whogivesadamn, that their boss was a sick, sadistic freak. Determined to find some way to get back at him, Dr. Hawkings invented the unit of measurement “ass-load”, which he defined as “the amount of stuff up any given employer’s ass”. Within moments, Dr. Gary Hawkings had contacted the U.N. security council to present this new unit of measurement. China vetoed it, saying that the measurement was much too variable, on the grounds that different employers could stuff different amounts of questionable objects into their respective anuses. Enraged, Dr. Gary Hawkings went over their heads and contacted Jesus via Facebook. Jesus, however, agreed that the measurement was too broad, and advised that it be redefined as something more specific. After four hours of debate between Dr. Hawkings, Dr. Whogivesadamn, Jesus, and a small dog named Fifi, the unit was eventually settled to be equivalent to two metric tonnes. This unit was then re-suggested to the United Nations, where Russia vetoed it, stating that redefining the unit at three metric tonnes would make the unit more useful. The terms were agreed to, and the ass-load was admitted to the SI unit family, where he lived happily ever after and married a princess.
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