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| - The Ten General Commandments of All Humanity were ostensibly written on stone ledgers in an ancient, foreign language and buried in the year 200 B.C. (Before Craig), in a small village just north of present-day London, through the combined efforts of St. Paul, Oscar Wilde, Sidney Trammell, Chuck Norris, and the firstborn son of Daniel Craig (all known as the Five General Demigods of All Humanity). The Commandments go as follows:
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| abstract
| - The Ten General Commandments of All Humanity were ostensibly written on stone ledgers in an ancient, foreign language and buried in the year 200 B.C. (Before Craig), in a small village just north of present-day London, through the combined efforts of St. Paul, Oscar Wilde, Sidney Trammell, Chuck Norris, and the firstborn son of Daniel Craig (all known as the Five General Demigods of All Humanity). Though lost and unknown for most of human history, they were incredibly rediscovered by one Henry Carver, a young acolyte of the newly-formed Church of God the Wholly Incompetent, who dug the granite tablets out from beneath a cricket pitch near his home on the Thames in January 1613. Having successfully dated them to before the birth of Christ (although they conveniently contained mentions of historical figures alive around the time they were "discovered", and were magically translated by Church leader Sidney Trammell without having prior knowledge of the language), Carver set out to preach their sacred knowledge to the world and was subsequently hanged for heresy. Embraced by the Church as genuine artifacts of the faith, the Commandments were supposedly written for the sole purpose of the betterment of mankind, but mostly just because the Demigods were out of booze and couldn't think of anything better to do. The punishment for breaking any one of these Commandments is a $350,000 fine, and up to 18 years in prison. Breaking 3 or more of these will result in the Divine Retaliation, which will come in the form of a swift UMP9 carried by none other than Daniel Craig himself. Each individual Commandment may require its own punishment, which must be served directly after the general punishment. The Commandments go as follows:
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