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In recent times, it has become fashionable for wealthy foreign businessmen to buy English football teams to give them something to do on a Saturday afternoon. Typically a story will appear in the press about how a 'consortium from some nation where everyone apart from them is poor are preparing a takeover bid.' The new owners will eventually emerge to know nothing about football or the English language.

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  • New Owners
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  • In recent times, it has become fashionable for wealthy foreign businessmen to buy English football teams to give them something to do on a Saturday afternoon. Typically a story will appear in the press about how a 'consortium from some nation where everyone apart from them is poor are preparing a takeover bid.' The new owners will eventually emerge to know nothing about football or the English language.
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abstract
  • In recent times, it has become fashionable for wealthy foreign businessmen to buy English football teams to give them something to do on a Saturday afternoon. Typically a story will appear in the press about how a 'consortium from some nation where everyone apart from them is poor are preparing a takeover bid.' The new owners will eventually emerge to know nothing about football or the English language. Fans of the club will rejoice as all the outrageous debts run up by the previous regime are erased and the manager is given millions to spend on mercenary signings. Fans of other clubs will ridicule any club with new owners and rename them with a stereotypical name from their new owner's country like Chelski, Manchester Buccaneers or Abu City. This will go on until their own club gets a new owner, when all previous xenophobia is disregarded. As a rule, all clubs with 'new owners' must pay an extortionate sum for any player, rather than an accurate valuation of the player's worth. As another rule, any player signing for a club with a 'new owner' must cite wanting a 'new challenge' as the reason for the move, rather than being a greedy bastard.
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