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| - Margaret: Here're you guys, enjoy. Rigby: (Takes a big sip from his coffee) Ah! Nothing beats drinkin' joe with my bro! Haha, right, Mordecai? Mordecai: Huh, what? Yeeeeeaaahh. (Sighs) (Margaret then looks at Mordecai) Dude, Margaret totally just smiled at me. Rigby: No she didn't. Mordecai: Yes she did. Rigby: Then why don't you ask her out? Mordecai: Agh. It's not that easy. You wouldn't understand. Rigby: Yeah, I wouldn't understand. Probably 'cos I'm too busy drinking joe with my bro like we came here to do in the first place, remember? Mordecai: Shh. Wait. Man on TV: I once was lost, but now I'm found. (Sprays cologne, and women tears the man's clothes off) DudeTime, for men. Rigby: Pssh. What kind of loser would want a bunch of chicks tearing their clothes off? Right, Mordecai? Margaret: Mordecai. Mordecai: Oh, hey Margaret. Didn't notice you there. Margaret: Gee Mordecai, I don't think I've ever realized how awesome you are. And you smell great too. Mordecai? Mordecai? Rigby: Mordecai? Mordecai? Mordecai: Dude, I'm buying that cologne. Rigby: Agh! Why? You said you would chip in for that awesome new game. John #1: I'm John. John #2: I'm also John. John #1 & 2: We're the Strong Johns! Strong Johns, Strong Johns! You have to buy Strong Johns! Strong Johns, Strong Johns! You gotta buy Strong Johns! (Flashback ends) Rigby: (Sings the theme song from the commercial) Bam! Now do want that game? Mordecai: No, I still want the cologne. Rigby: If you buy that cologne then I'm gonna lose all respect for you. Mordecai: Good. Then we'll both have the same amount of respect for each other. Rigby: Ugh! What's with you? We had a plan: coffee, Strong Johns, hang out! Mordecai: Dude, we can hang out later. I just wanna go buy some that cologne really quick. Rigby: No, that wasn't part of the plan! If you leave, then I'm gonna have to get some new friends! Mordecai: That's cool. I'll probably be too busy with the ladies anyway. Rigby: Well fine. I'll be busy with my new friends! Plan-breaker! Rigby: Are you done with your stupid cologne yet? You know that stuff's not gonna work. Mordecai: Why don't you get out of here? You don't know anything. Pops: Mordecai, Rigby, wonderful day we're hav--. (He smells something funky, which is the cologne, and he runs away squealing in horror.) Rigby: (laughs) In your face! I knew that stuff wasn't gonna work. Mordecai: Shut up! I'm not trying to attract Pops, I'm trying to attract Margaret. She's probably on her way right now. (Sprays more of the cologne, while Rigby is coughing, and the cologne attracts a haze.) Margaret? I'm over here. Margar--? (Spots a Unicorn behind him) Oh, geez! 1st Unicorn: (sniffs) Whaddaya got there? Mordecai: DudeTime? 1st Unicorn: Aw, I knew it! Come out, bros, come out! I told you it was DudeTime! 4th Unicorn: Alright! DudeTime! 5th Unicorn: Yeah! DudeTime, bros!! 7th Unicorn: Yo! Did someone say there's DudeTime down here? 1st Unicorn: Can I bum a spray, can I bum a spray? Mordecai: Who are these guys? Rigby: I dunno. They seem pretty cool, though! 7th Unicorn: You bros wanna hang out? Rigby: (gasps) I wanna hang out! But you're wasting your time with this guy. All he wants to do is get with Margaret. 1st Unicorn: Margaret? That doesn't sound like a dude's name. Are you using DudeTime to get the ladies? Mordecai: Yeah, so what? 1st Unicorn: Aw no, bro! You don't use this to get the ladies. You use it to hang out with the bros! Unicorns: Bros! Bros! Bros! Bros! Bros! Rigby: Yeah, hee hee! Finally somebody's speaking my language! (Rigby joins in with the chant of Bros.) 1st Unicorn: Haw haw! Little dude makes me laugh. Seriously though. You're pretty cool, too, for letting us bum some of your DudeTime, so... if you really wanna attract the ladies, we can help. Mordecai: Really? 1st Unicorn: Aw, yeah. We know all about the ladies. Mordecai: Actually, uh, that would be pretty awesome, guys. 1st Unicorn: Cool. Just point us to the lady. Mordecai: Well, this is where she works. What do I gotta do? 1st Unicorn: Oh, we'll tell you what to do, but first you have to drink from the Cup of Knowledge. Mordecai: Aw, sick. What was that?! 1st Unicorn: It's definitely not unicorn slomp! (The Unicorns high-five. The 7th Unicorn has arrived by this point) Mordecai: How is that supposed to get me a lady? 1st Unicorn: Chill out, bro. We're just having a little fun. Rigby: Yeah, fun! Ever hear of it? Mordecai: Quit bein' such a jerk! 1st Unicorn: Come on! We won't mess with you anymore. I promise. Got a great way to help you get your lady. Mordecai: Great. As long as I don't have to stand next to that total loser I'm up for anything. Rigby: Meh meh meh meh meeeh meh meh meh meeeh meh meeeeeh! 1st Unicorn: 'Kay, check it: the ladies love dudes who slick their hair back. Jimmy, give 'im the stuff. 5th Unicorn: Here, use this! Mordecai: Huh, fine. Mordecai: Are you sure she'll be into this? 1st Unicorn: Totally, bro, she'll be all about it. All you gotta do is lay it down. Mordecai: Lay it... down. 1st Unicorn: Yeah, bro, you know: lay it down! Margaret: Can I help you? Mordecai: (nervously) H-hey, Margaret... Margaret: Mordecai? Margaret: Oh, hey! What's up? Mordecai: I'm uh, I'm here to... lay it down. Margaret: What? Mordecai: Lay it... down? Margaret: Um. Sure. Are you feeling OK? Mordecai: Yeah, I'm great, uh, I'll be right back. Mordecai: What the H, guys? Not cool! 1st Unicorn: Chill out, bro! We were watching you in there and little dude had a really good point. Mordecai: What point? 1st Unicorn: That we're totally not hanging out enough. Mordecai: Aw, jeez. 1st Unicorn: Don't worry. We're still gonna help you get your lady. Mordecai: How? 1st Unicorn: By partying at your place! Mordecai: (screaming) Wait what?! Rigby: Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Mordecai: Dude, these guys aren't trying to help me. They're just messing with me. Rigby: Dude, they're just partying. Mordecai: How is this supposed to help me get the ladies? Rigby: They got you a lady! Mordecai: That's not a lady. Mordecai: Hey, I thought you were gonna help me with Margaret. 1st Unicorn: (angrily) Something's touching me! Rigby: Hey, bros, check this out. (Approaches Mordecai) Here, let me help you up. (He pulls his hand away at the last second.) Psych! Why don't you ask Margaret to help you up? Ohhhhh! Mordecai: You know what, Rigby? Have fun with your new friends, you jerk. Oh, and just so you know, when Benson finds out about your friends and their little hangout time, he's probably gonna fire ya. Later, bro. Rigby: (worried) Mordecai, wait! 5th Unicorn: (from upstairs) Bros! I found a trampoline! Rigby: No! (Rigby runs up to his room) What are you doing to my bed? 5th Unicorn: You sleep on this, bro?! Rigby: Get off it! 5th Unicorn: Right after this somersault. (The unicorn flips in mid air and his horn rips the trampoline, falling to the floor.) Bros, this trampoline's all over me. Help me get it off! Rigby: My bed! 1st Unicorn: Hey, bro. You know this nerd? Benson: Hrrgrh! Rgh! Rrrghhlllghg! Mmmmnnnggghllgh! (probably) Rigby! When I get out of here I'll kill you! 1st Unicorn: Check this out. (He gets some gumballs out of Benson and eats them) What's the matter, Rigbone? You like that nerd or something? 3rd Unicorn: (slaps Rigby) Yeah, dude. Chill out. (Elbows Rigby) And have a drink! (He sprays Rigby with a soda can, temporarily blinding Rigby. In his confusion, Rigby stumbles between the unicorns, who have formed a circle with the intention of repeatedly farting on him) Rigby: Hey, Mordecai. Mordecai: Don't touch me! Rigby: Heh, huh... So, I sorta need your help. Mordecai: Why don't you ask your new bros for help? Rigby: Dude, get over it! It's not my fault! If you would have just hung out with me and played some Strong Johns, none of this woulda happened. Mordecai: Look, I'm sorry about the game, but that doesn't give you the right to treat me like garbage! (yells) You owe me an apology! Rigby: (avoiding eye contact, speaking quickly and quietly) I'm sorry. Mordecai: A real apology. Rigby: OK, I'm sorry. I'm... sorry! (screaming) Is that what you want to hear? (screaming louder) I MISS YOU!!!! I miss you...! (Rigby looks like he's about to cry) Mordecai: OK, quit being a baby. (He punches Rigby in the arm) Rigby: Ahh! Why?! Mordecai: That's for psyching me. Mordecai: It's gonna suck for you when Benson gets untied. Rigby: Dude, you have to help me. Mordecai: Way ahead of you, bro. Mordecai and Rigby: Hey Skips. Rigby: We have a problem. Skips: Unicorns? Rigby: How'd you know? Skips: They peed on my lawn. Mordecai: So, how do we get rid of them? Skips: Well, that's really hard. They're like insects, but... (hefts his weights onto the bar and sits up) there's one thing unicorns never say no to. (He motions for Rigby to hand him a towel - Rigby does so and Skips wipes his face with it. We zoom in close to Skips' face) Drag racing. Skips: You guys know what to do, right? Mordecai & Rigby: Yeah. Mordecai: (loudly, so the unicorns can hear) Hey, Rigby. Weren't we supposed to race some unicorns, and not a bunch of losers? Unicorns: You're dead! You're gonna die! Pops: Horseless carriages... Pops: ... commence! Skips: This is how you get rid of unicorns. Rigby: But what if they come back? Benson: They ain't comin' back! Mordecai & Rigby: (sparkles in their eyes) Cool! Benson: That's the only way to get rid of unicorns. Benson: I can't believe you idiots let those unicorns in here. You two morons had better get this mess cleaned up or you'll wish it was YOU DRIVING THAT CAR!!! Rigby: The unicorn one? (Benson sprays Rigby with the hose and Rigby falls over, squealing) Argh! Cold! Benson: (to Mordecai) And you! Mordecai: (flinches and screams) Benson: Quit sprayin' that cologne, it's not gonna get you any ladies. Idiots. Mordecai: Wanna go... bro? Rigby: Strong Johns? Mordecai: Yeah.
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