Those plastic things at the end of your shoelace are staring at me again. I know, I know! that you say they can't stare, but the little round parts at the very tip are their eyes. Eyes I Tell You! They make that clickity sound when you don't have them restrained properly. They flop about and plot our deaths. I taught you both ways to tie them up but you steadfastly refuse to do the "bunny around the tree" method, and suck at the other one... you've doomed us. Doomed us all. All to hell. Why can't you keep them secured? Security! Security in our hearts knowing that WE WOULD BE SAFE!