Unlike their American counterparts, the Film Actors Guild is comprised of a secretive group of actors who run Hollywood for their own nefarious purposes. Said to be comprised of Helen Hunt, Susan Sarandon, Janeane Garofalo, Sean Penn, Danny Glover, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin, George Clooney, and Samuel L. Jackson (which is a dirty liberal lie), these actors are best buddies with Kim Jong Il and have Godless Killing Machines for pets. That makes them Communists. Their only enemies are: