Once upon a time, airport security guards were actually smart, and were able to protect their passengers well, but because of Colplay music, they were sentenced to the sanitarium for life. The new breed of guard is less smart, and said only to work there because Green Day, Denis Leary, and Flogging Molly refused to use them in their music videos American Idiot, I'm an Asshole and Drunken Lullabies. However, there were some potential candidates that escaped the bleak fate of guarding magical flying lumps of metal (rather expensive ones, too) by joining the republican party, or moving to Kykgystykgyanyagkanakyntyrgykstan.